GAY RESPONSIBILITY

By Dennis Highland Responsibility: that's a strange word. Each of us has his own definition of what it means. To some it connotes a dedication to one's ideals; to others it may mean a habit of keeping promises made to associates. Most of us desire friends or, perhaps, lovers who are "responsible" in one way or another. We want to be able to count on them, to depend on substance rather than glitter, like cake under the frosting. There are very few people, I think, who prefer to associate with others who are shallow, "flaky," or puerile. So why are there (in gay life) so many of these people who act so Why do so

HIGH GEAR/NOVEMBER 1977

like each other, to be friends if not more. And so much of this problem rests with the inability or unwillingness of the parties involved to be truly interested in each other, to be responsible and not flippant.

Tragically, gay love is far too selfish. We seem to be primarily interested in what our relationships with others can do for ourselves, whether it be physical gratification, emotional satisfaction, or prestige in the eyes of others. Very little time and effort are put into making our partner feel good. We think we know what we want, and that is all we care about.

The letdown after these brief affairs can have a tremendously debilitating effect on the psyche. We may become increasingly callous,; we may feel even less responsibility and commitment to others than we did before. Pleasure to self becomes more and more important as we hop from bed to bed.

The results of pursuing this lifestyle become apparent as one ages. The physical beauty that is so necessary in order to avoid emotional responsibility begins to fade; the "tricks" become fewer and farther apart. And, instead of permitting our mental state to mature, it's as

shallow as it ever was. The outcome is loneliness and despair, and we have only ourselves to blame.

There has to be some sense of gay responsibility in all of us. Some have far more of this quality than others, but we need more of it. We all have ideals; we all have some level of emotional development to which we aspire, no matter how close we are now to that level. To be responsible is to make a concerted effort toward the attainment of our ideals. It means treating others as we wish to be treated by others, and being willing to listen to those who may have

"club members" put up a front PLEASE DON'T CALL ME 'GIRL'

of insouciance, impracticality, and general immaturity?

They can be seen at any bar, dancing as though no one else existed; "camping it up" to the point of obnoxiousness; and relating to others in so shallow a manner that it seems they "love" everyone and no one at the same time. At gay picnics, they're the ones who may wear imitation leopard-skin jumpsuits and who gradually disrobe on the dance floor. These are the people who all of us are stereotyped and identified with by their ostentatiousnees:

Is this really what we want? There are so many aspects of gay life that need to be changed before we can equate "gay" with "happy." One of these aspects involves responsibility and our search for it in others while we suppress it in ourselves. Nowhere is this more obvious than in "relationships," whatever that word means. A few issues back someone suggested in place of "lovers," the term "sexers." It seemed so much more appropriate and realistic; too often such relationships are based on a false sense of infatuation and physical attraction, rather than actual love. Love is an awfully hard thing to develop and maintain. For that reason, I thought of the term "infatuationers," because that helps explain why relationships in gay life are often so short; but besides being difficult to conceptualize, it's bad English. It also didn't adequately describe

Reprinted from OUT!, August 12, lives as men. Our masculinity

1977

As a direct result of the Anita Bryant campaign I, as well as a multitude of other gays have openly "come out."

It is indeed exhilarating to walk hand in hand with fellow. gays and to attend our various events in the knowledge that finally, we do not walk alone. It has become a pleasure to meet the eye of a gay stranger and smile in recognition of each other. It is well and good to sit back and listen to all the rhetoric being espoused by our vast array of gay leaders.

There are some flaws in the system. Through what seems to me a "gender misidentification" we seem to lose sight of who and what we are, and in doing so, lose the respect of each other, and strengthen those outer forces who so bitterly oppose our right to be. What I'm basically getting at is a two-fold problem, and both topics are far, removed from each other.

Let's get back to the "Gender Misidentification" part. How many times have any of us either kiddingly or viciously, or even without know we are doing it, referred to the males of our society as "she"?

What I'm saying is that all of us were born as men. Our pride should be in the fact that we appreciate and conduct our

the lack of responsibility we JACQUES BREL

maintain to ourselves and each other, which I regard as crucial.

How many of us have experienced these short-term infatuation affairs? I admit having them myself. They are very similar to each other: A and B find each other (physically) attractive; they go to bed together; they may see each other for a week or two; then they tire of each other, or find out that they really don't like each other very much. All that's left is perhaps an occasional casual greeting at the bar, a perfunctory "how are you?", and a little kiss on the cheek. What's really sad about this, in addition to its being so widespread, is that all too often A and B real

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should be a precious asset and not something to be sneered at, insulted and demeaned. Perhaps 10 or 20 years ago it was fashionable for members of our society cast them in, but today that is hardly valid.

Today we are fighting back and the less we give them to cram down our throats about us, the less ammunition they have for their smear campaign.

So, let's start respecting ourselves first as men, and then as gays. Let's all of us start using the term "she" when it pertains to the biological female. After all, "he" is what we're all looking for.

My second topic will probably hit you a little closer but is by no means meant to be offensive. I read both Out! and The Advocate on a regular basis. The news portion of the paper is great. In most cases the articles are interesting and informative. The disappointing part is in your classified section.

No matter how it's used, the use of the word toward any male is an insult and reinforces every snide remark the straight society has ever aimed at our sector. We should stop occasionally to remember the fact that the only reason we are homosexuals is because we are men who are emotionally and physically attracted to other men. If we were meant to be addressed as "she" we would probably all be married and raising children somewhere in rural America.

It's nice that people can advertise for work, placement services and housing all legitimate newspapers do the same. But just because we are gay, why should we condone prostitution and keep two potentially strong, forthright medias at the level of tasteless fuckrags?

I'm not against prostitution, my point is that if we have only two major newspapers representing the gay community nationwide, then we should

Page 13

different beliefs than we do. It means being sensual, not just sexual.

We have to be willing to learn from each other, to listen as well as talk, to give as well as take, to love as well as be loved. To be responsible for ourselves involves responsibility to others; everything is mutual, and gay responsibility lies in accepting this mutuality.

We really have to care for more than just good old "number one," because one can be terribly lonely. We can avoid this with a sense of gay responsibility. For "gay" to also mean "happy," we need this desperately.

keep them as professional as possible afterall, all the good information we might provide our straight readers can be destroyed once they reach the classified section and start going down the "well hung, handsome masseur" columns.

There is certainly no doubt in anyone's mind that our community is in a constant state of change, perhaps more so now than in any other period in our history. I think in one way or another we are all reviewing and re-examine our motives and values. A lot of acts have to be cleaned up before we are accepted by the straight community and perhaps this is the time to begin cleaning our own houses.

Before straight society can respect us, we have to respect ourselves and each other and this must happen on every level. Paul Searah Los Angeles

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